A Cowboy Billionaire Country Star Fake Marriage (Brookside Ranch Brothers Book 3) Page 12

  The awards ceremony was one of the most intense nights Miranda had ever spent outside of her house.

  It was extravagant and exciting and completely confusing, all wrapped up in a nice little bow.

  She was endlessly proud of Phoenix for his record, his growth, and all he had been able to accomplish while feeling like he was completely worthless. She was horrified at the thought of the upcoming tour and the endless press that seemed to hound them wherever they went—including the ceremony.

  Miranda was also touched by Phoenix’s speech and infuriated by it all the same.

  “You watched?” Miranda asked as she slid onto Birdie’s couch. She was glad to be back in Utah for the weekend and even happier to get to spend time with who she now considered to be one of her best friends in the world.

  “Of course, I watched!” Birdie exclaimed with a bright smile. “You looked gorgeous! I just kept saying to everyone at my house, ‘I know her!’”

  Miranda gave an uncomfortable smile and said, “And?”

  “And,” Birdie repeated slowly, “Phoenix did great with his performance?”

  Miranda nodded. “And?”

  “And,” Birdie sighed. “And the speech…”

  “The speech!” Miranda repeated. It was what she had been waiting for Birdie to bring up for nearly a half an hour.

  “It was awful,” her friend said, cringing. “I mean, it was a great speech. Well-spoken and all that, but as his fiancée…well, let’s just say if I were dating him, I would not be very happy with that.”

  “I didn’t even know what to say to him, you know? I’m so proud of him, and he deserved the award, and I know it meant a lot to him,” she rambled, trailing off.

  Birdie scrunched up her face sympathetically. “Did you bring it up to him?”

  “No,” Miranda said. “I don’t want to seem jealous. And I didn’t want to wreck his night or overreact.”

  “To be fair, it’s not like he mentioned her directly.”

  “No,” Miranda sighed. “But her, I don’t know—her essence was there! It’s always there. She’s like some horrible ghost haunting us wherever we go, and I’m sick of it.”

  “I mean, they have a past together,” Birdie offered with an unenthusiastic smile. “You can’t take that away from him any more than he can take your ex away from you.”

  “I know, but my ex is firmly in the past where he belongs.”

  “And Rachel isn’t?” she asked.

  “Of course not! She’s everywhere I look. She’s at his house, she’s in reporter’s questions, she’s in pictures of him online. The comparisons by the public between she and I are endless. You know? It’s just everything.”

  “You don’t think he’s over her?” Birdie asked, her voice laced with concern.

  “I don’t know. That’s the problem,” she said.

  “What has he done recently that makes you think he still wants her back? Speech aside, he is absolutely crazy about you!”

  Miranda scoffed. “Where do I even begin? How about the nursery that I’m not allowed to enter at the house?”

  “People need time to get over that kind of thing,” Birdie chided.

  “Yes, I understand that, but it’s just this glaring reminder of their relationship. And what about his music? This whole album is basically a vocal shrine to her and their life.”

  Birdie gave another wince. “It was his process,” she tried to reason. “Musicians need to work through things in a weird way. Unfortunately for you, that weird way just so happens to be incredibly public and will stay around basically forever.”

  “Thanks for that,” Miranda laughed, then her expression soured. “I don’t want to be with someone if I’m the second choice. I’ve already done that relationship, and I can’t do it again. And besides all of that, I don’t think I can ignore everything that happened between them.”

  Birdie blinked. “What do you mean?”

  “The New York...stuff?”

  “Oh,” her friend went quiet. “Well, we all make mistakes, and besides, you said he explained all of that to you.”

  “I know, and I believe him completely. I just don’t want to be afraid that if I make him mad or if I’m not there for him on the road some night that he’s going to have an ego-trip and go be with one of his fans or someone from the industry.”

  “Every couple has to develop a level of trust. Otherwise, a relationship isn’t going to work. Period! It doesn’t matter if you’re famous or not,” Birdie said, always trying to maintain a positive outlook.

  “Yeah, but when you’re famous, you sure have a whole lot more opportunities.”

  “Trust will come with time,” the brunette said.

  Miranda nodded. She knew Birdie was right, but it was hard to be patient. “Then there’s the tour,” she said unsurely. “And listen, I love that he’s touring. I really do. I have been so blessed to go on this adventure with him. But I’ve been shuffled around my whole life, you know? I just found this new stability in my life.”

  “You just want to stand still for a while,” her friend acknowledged.

  “Yes! I want to be at the ranch. We’ve made a little home here, and I love the ranch so much. I love the experiences, the horses, the people. I just want to make our life here. And look, I know music is his job, and it’s his passion, and I don’t want to take it away from him, but I just don’t want it to be so...consuming. I don’t want to be on tour with him for a year straight, or worse, be away from him for that long.”

  “Okay, let me ask you something serious. If Phoenix wasn’t a celebrity and he didn’t have the ranch or all of his money—would you still like him?” Birdie asked.

  “If that were the case, I think I would like him even more,” Miranda laughed.

  “Then, Miranda, I think you should be telling him all of these things and not me.”

  Miranda cringed. As usual, Birdie was right.

  She felt sick about the topic for the rest of the day, knowing she had to bring it up with Phoenix.

  Growing up, she felt so jaded by the families who took her in. They always seemed to want something from her. Some families wanted her to get over her feelings of abandonment, to be independent and not be so needy. Less respectable homes wanted her body or the money that the state provided for her care. One of the firsts homes she was ever in was a couple who fostered nine children—to them, she was nothing but a paycheck.

  Then she met Jeff and Michelle and everything changed. She was with them for almost three years, and she finally felt settled. All she wanted to do was stay home and be with them. She’d been resistant to being comfortable her whole life, but they managed to convince her that she wasn’t going anywhere. She would stay right there with them, under their loving protection.

  And then they bailed on her.

  She tried not to dwell on what happened in her old life. After all, hadn’t she been incredibly blessed to meet Phoenix? She’d had the chance to fall in love and to feel at home, and she wanted to hold onto that feeling so badly.

  It was that very reason that made hesitant to go on tour with Phoenix.

  She wished she could be one of those people who said, “Home is wherever you are!” but the truth was that for her, home was Phoenix’s house. That’s where she felt safest and most welcome, and she was terrified that everything would start to change once they left their nest.

  Miranda came home late that night after spending the entire day with Birdie and found Phoenix in his office. The door was ajar, and she tapped on it lightly.

  He looked up from strumming his guitar and set it down on the black wiry stand near the window before greeting her in the doorway.

  Phoenix leaned down and pressed his lips to her, smiled, then whispered, “Welcome home.”

  Miranda swallowed nervously. “Can we talk?”

  “Yes, yes, we can,” he said.

  Phoenix put his hands on her hips and pulled her close to him. He moved to kiss her neck, but she pulled away.
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br />   “You asked me before if I was scared,” she said, then reminded him, “About your lifestyle.”

  Phoenix tensed and let his hands drop. He looked at her curiously, nervously, and said, “Yes, I remember.”

  “I guess I’ve been thinking and,” she shrugged. “I think I’m scared now.”

  His blue eyes held sympathy as he cooed, “I understand. It’ll get easier, I promise.”

  “See, the thing is, I knew you’d be touring, and I completely understand that it comes with the territory. I get that there will be girls around, and even though I’m not crazy about a bunch of cute teenagers pawing all over you, I get it. You’re handsome and talented, and it’s not their fault that they have good taste.”

  “Miranda, you know I would never cheat on you, right?” he asked seriously.

  She nodded. “I believe you.”

  “I’m not looking for that life. I don’t want to live from girl to girl or to live life not knowing what’s going on or where I’m heading. I want to settle down with you. I want that stability with you.”

  “By going on the road for a year?” she said with light sarcasm.

  He blinked. “You just said you understood that traveling is part of my job.”

  “Yes, but I didn’t think you would be gone for a whole year,” she clarified.

  “There are breaks in-between shows. Different legs of the tours. I explained that to you. Besides, you’ll be with me, so what’s there to worry about? We’ll be traveling the world together. That’s a pretty once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, isn’t it?”

  She felt bad then. She didn’t mean to sound spoiled or thankless; she just wanted more time with Phoenix to breathe.

  “Yes,” she agreed. “It’s exciting, and it’s romantic, and it’s amazing. I’m not trying to sound ungrateful.”

  “But?”

  “But what about the ranch?” she asked.

  “I have people who take care of the ranch when I’m not around.”

  “What about the program?” she said. They’d been working on it for months, and to walk away from it now seemed like such a waste. “You said I could build this program for kids, and I want to be here to develop it. I want to stay at the ranch.”

  Phoenix narrowed his gaze and instantly looked annoyed. “We can work on it when we get back.”

  “In a year?”

  “Then we’ll do long distance,” he said with irritation. “If it means that much to you, I’ll tour, and you can stay at the ranch, and we’ll meet in-between.”

  “I don’t want to do long distance. Not for a whole year. Please, Phoenix. The last thing I need is for someone else to leave me.”

  Though he didn’t say it out loud, Phoenix looked trapped by her statement, and it made her feel terrible. After all, how could he abandon the girl who had been abandoned her whole life?

  “I completely understand that,” he said calmly. “But trust me, it’s not going to be as bad as you think. You can come on the road with me for a couple of weeks and then go back for a couple weeks to work on the ranch. We’ll never be far away.”

  Her eyes went wide. “Seriously?” she snarked. “That’s your solution?”

  He looked down. It was clear he was angry, but he didn’t raise his voice. There was a helpless sadness in his tone as he said, “I don’t know what you want me to do, Miranda. I can’t change my job for you. That’s not fair.”

  “You told me to tell you if it was getting too much for me,” she said, growing frustrated. “I’m just trying to be honest.”

  “Where’s all of this coming from? You were excited about this tour a couple of days ago. Now you’re...what? Breaking up with me?” he asked.

  “I’m not breaking up with you; I’m talking to you,” she said firmly.

  Phoenix searched her eyes, but it was clear that he couldn’t read her. He spread his palms to her and said, “Then let’s talk.”

  “Fine,” she said, feeling suddenly emotional. She nodded toward his chest and said, “Let’s talk about your necklace.”

  Phoenix looked like he’d just been punched. He seemed to study her every feature but said nothing. They just sat there in suffocating silence.

  “You wear her ring around your neck like it’s a lifeline,” she said, getting heated.

  “That’s what this is about?” he exclaimed.

  She stared at the imprint of his ex-fiancée’s ex-symbol of love on a silver chain from under his shirt and snapped, “You said you were done with her, and yet you wear her engagement ring every single day. You wear it to shows, you wear it when we kiss, and you touch it over and over when you’re writing. Do you know how that makes me feel?”

  “I am not in love with Rachel,” he said, enunciating his words as though she were challenging him.

  “That’s not what it looks like to me,” she said quickly. “The ring, the room, the songs, the speech!”

  “I didn’t say her name. Not once.”

  Miranda rolled her eyes. “You didn’t have to! Everyone knew who you were talking about. Do you know how embarrassing that is for me?”

  “I said if she weren’t in my life, the record wouldn’t exist. Is there anything about that statement that is incorrect?”

  “Sure, fine,” she said quickly. “But why say it at all? I feel like you’re always looking for ways to reach out to her or to connect or something.”

  Miranda put up a hand. She didn’t want to hear his excuses. “The bottom line is that I can’t go on this journey with you if it ends with me alone, or worse, as your second choice.”

  “You are not my second choice,” he said.

  “Oh yeah? What if Rachel came back tomorrow and begged you for your forgiveness? What if she said she was done with your brother and she wanted a second chance with you?”

  Miranda played that scenario over and over in her head. It was her absolute nightmare.

  “Then I wouldn’t care!” he shouted, finally getting angry. “I love you, Miranda. I’m not just going to throw that away for someone who’s left me once before!”

  “I don’t believe you,” she said with an indignant shrug.

  “Then that’s your problem,” he said icily.

  “Yeah,” she said sternly. “It is.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Phoenix

  Phoenix went to Los Angeles; he had one more show in California before he could go home to the ranch.

  He was in Los Angeles alone. He had tried to invite Miranda, but she seemed dead-set on staying at the ranch.

  “I’m going to California tomorrow,” he said, breaking their streak of awkward silence over the last couple of days. “Are you coming?”

  “No,” she said stubbornly. Miranda had decided to stay with Birdie while he was gone. She said she needed time to think.

  Needing time to think was one of the most terrifying phrases a man could ever hear from the woman he loves.

  Opposite of Miranda, Phoenix couldn’t think at all. He couldn’t concentrate without her. He was in the middle of a set, singing in front of thousands of paying fans when he decided he’d had enough. He didn’t want to play or sing; he didn’t want to put on the act of the charming front man. He just wanted to go home and be with Miranda and make things right.

  That girl was special. She was someone Phoenix could imagine spending the rest of his life with. He could envision nights on the road and endless conversations, exploring the world with her and even starting a family one day.

  He wanted these things more than he had wanted anything in a long time. But like usual, he’d realized everything he needed to do too late.

  Miranda didn’t want his life, and the last thing wanted was to pull someone else into his world of writing and touring who didn’t want to be there.

  Without warning, Phoenix walked off stage mid-song. He unhooked his guitar strap and set the Taylor down on a stand.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” one of his team asked, frantically running to catch up with
him.

  “I’m leaving. I can’t stay here,” he said.

  “Are you okay?” Jonathan asked.

  Phoenix shrugged. “I have to go.”

  “You’re finishing out this show,” the man insisted. “You’ve got thousands of fans out there who paid good money to see you play. You can’t just leave them there!”

  “I can’t do it, John,” he said firmly. “Not tonight.”

  And just like that, Phoenix walked out.

  He wanted to make things right with Miranda, but he didn’t know how. He couldn’t give up his career for her; he just couldn’t. But he didn’t want to give up on them being together.

  He hoped that ‘time to think’ didn’t translate to ‘time to work up the nerve to break up.’ He hoped that by the time he came home, she would have worked out everything that bothered her about traveling and that they could go back to being happy.

  But then there was the whole Rachel thing.

  When she’d asked if he was still in love with Rachel or if he would go back to her, given the opportunity, he vehemently said no. His reaction surprised him, but it was the truth. He didn’t want to be with Rachel; he wanted to be with Miranda.

  There were just some things that were harder to let go of than he thought. He still hadn’t been able to bring himself to redo the nursery in his ranch home. To repaint and repurpose the room would be a sign that it was all true—not that he wasn’t with Rachel anymore, but that his child had died, and he had missed out on fatherhood.

  But if he didn’t love Rachel, then why couldn’t he take off her ring?

  Perhaps he needed time to think, too.

  Phoenix then made the impulsive decision—the right decision—to drive from California to Wyoming, stopping briefly to eat and sleep, until he pulled up the long driveway in front of Hunter’s modest and rustic log-cabin.

  He needed to see for himself how he felt about the girl from his past life. He needed to put the nail in the coffin on the saga of Rachel and Phoenix. He needed to know deep in his soul that he was telling the truth when he said he didn’t love her anymore.